today is your birthday. i very much want to call you to wish you a happy birthday and tell you that i still love and miss you.
i won’t do it. it’s not right. you are with her now. today is her day to make plans for you.
it was a game you played with me. Every so often you would tell me that we shouldn’t be together that it was all you and not me. Then i would find you and tell you that we belonged together, that we needed to be together. Until the last time. This was after I moved my whole life to DC to be with you. You just couldn’t or wouldn’t. I don’t know, but i couldn’t take it anymore so i left. Right now, i’m wishing i never left. Why did you let me walk away? Why did you let me leave? I should have tried harder. But i couldn’t make you want to be with me.
Why is it so hard to just let you go? Why did you follow me to new york? the whole time i lived here and we did long distance you never once said you wanted to live here. When we were together near the end of it you never mentioned applying to internships in new york. After i left you told me you were going to interview here, that you wanted to be in new york. i really just don’t understand. you didn’t want to be with me but you followed me to new york. we saw eachother a few times. i was in a new relationship. i think it made you want me more. if i was single would you have tried to kiss me and tell me that you wanted to be with me? i think you wanted me because you couldn’t have me. i think i want you now because you don’t want me. she is more important to you. and well, i guess that is how it should be.
